Dear Weather Gods
Please make the rain go away. Two days now. Solid bucketfuls of water chucked from sky. Can we have the sun back please. I mean, I have been good. Followed all your rituals: chanting, prancing in garden (neighbours worried), even wearing the Special Clothes (embarrassing as they are). Now, I know you really want a Sacrifice but getting the DWP Minister burnt at the stake is a bit tricky, what with armed police and all. So could I just get a couple of PIP assessors and burn them instead?
Sincerely and wetly
TMO