Bloke goes into a bar, way out in the bush in Australia. He has with him, on a lead, a bloody great crocodile. “Can’t bring that in here, mate” says the barman. “Too damn dangerous.”
“Nah, mate.” says the croc chap. “He’s so well trained, just like a cute obedient puppy, watch…” So he makes the croc do the sit and beg and roll over thing. Barman still unimpressed, he says. “Still reckon he’s too deadly, mate. Look at those teeth, he’s have yer face off in seconds.”
“All right then” says the croc man, “watch this.” At which, the man pulls out his penis, slips it into the croc’s mouth. “See,” he says. “Perfectly safe but if you still doubt it…” He picks up a great bit of wood from the corner of the bar and smacks the croc violently over the head. Croc completely ignores this, chap’s pens unharmed. This impresses the barman who tells the bloke he can come in with his pet.
Croc bloke well pleased, turns to customers in bar. “See,” he says. “Perfectly safe. Anyone else want a go?”
“Yeah” says a little old lady sat at the bar. “But just don’t hit me so bloody hard with that bit of wood.”