Call the police….hahaha, nearest police station 1/2 mile away, however, nearest manned station now 34 miles away. Hurrah for cost cutting and saving money! Scottish Police Farce.
Even traffic wardens only visit the town once a month (normally a good thing, but, seeing the number of cars parking wherever they like gets to you after a while). Locals post the warden warning on facebook the day they turn up.
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.